Oh Alex, I applaud you for this! Being vulnerable isn't easy yet so important. And what you just shared I'm sure will continue to be a massive light to so many others.
I feel super honoured that my post inspired you. Really glad it did! Thanks truly for the mention. ❤️
I relate to the seasonal disorder. I'm originally from the tropics and I never knew such a thing existed until I moved to Europe. Spain's weather is utterly friendly compared to what I've felt in my body when I've lived in England or Scotland. Last autumn up here near Glasgow became quickly a struggle as soon as November hit. It only takes a week for the darkness outside to affect me deeply. I never knew such an intense thing could happen to the body with the lack of light. In Costa Rica the time and sunlight schedules never change throughout the year, so I was foreign to it all. But then UK taught me about it. It's absolutely freezing and almost impossible to shake that cloud off the top of your head when the weather gets dark and cold outside for so long. One thing that helped me was vitamins, mainly vitamin D and magnesium supplements. They wouldn't take my blues out but at least they'd keep my emotions more at bay through the months. I've never understood how people can manage to live in these latitudes with the darkness, it still riddles me.
Thanks for this post, it's truly needed to keep opening up for mental health. I hope we all can continue to be tiny lighthouses everywhere. The more the merrier! 🎉
Thank you! I didn't realise until I sent this piece just how worried I was about sharing it. It was only after sending that I felt nervous about the response, but I certainly needn't have worried!
Isn't it incredible, how much of an impact the sunlight, or lack of it, can play on us? When I lived in Thailand, I missed long summer evenings, but I was also very glad of knowing there would be sun every day (or nearly every day, except for stormy times!). Even when we lived in Portugal, the sunlight hours were far more friendly than in Scotland. Here, in the French Alpes, there is usually more sun, but last winter was very cloudy, so I rarely saw it at all (and it hides lower, behind the mountains, too).
I used to take multivitamins every winter, but then I stopped, for some reason I can't remember. I think this coming autumn I'll pop a note in my calendar to ensure I add vitamin D and magnesium, that makes a lot of sense. I remember reading a paper about reindeer herding communities in Siberia, how they would get through the darkness of winter by using Amanita muscaria, and how this is still relatively common in Russia. I suspect our ancestors, those who lived in dark places at least, developed a healthy understanding of the natural materials they could use to help them through those days.
That tendency I have, to hide away and want to hibernate, doesn't help either! I need to make myself get outdoors (or leave the outnature!), more.
Thanks again for your words, and for your original post, I really appreciate them, and I'm very glad there are people here on Substack who talk about mental health, it really is so important--tiny lighthouses, as you so rightly say.
Thank you, Alexander, for your candid exploration of your experience. I, too, went through a “functional depression” after the 3.11 quake and nuclear disaster here in Japan and one other time due to work load at the university. I understand the “not having enough energy” to even move, much less get up and be happy (or feel much of anything).
Here in Japan, there are so many problems with mental health issues among the general population and young people in particular. It is not spoken about openly. We’re just now coming to a point where people seek counseling but don’t tell anyone. Most of the time, when it’s serious, the psychiatrists prescribe pills but not counseling. In my opinion, these should go together so that the person can find their own solutions out of the hole.
Thank you for the link to the “Spoon Theory” essay. I look forward to reading it.
Thank you. It is such a complex, personal issue, depression, and I agree that medication alone rarely seems to be enough. I know that talking about it helps, even if it can be difficult at the time. When I grew up, it was similar to the current state of affairs in Japan, mental health issues were never really spoken of aloud, swept away under the rug. Yet they were also in full view, everywhere, especially in the old men who had come home from the first World War and had lived a life broken by that experience.
I am hopeful we are slowly moving towards a point where discussing mental health is less of a taboo than it once was, but there is still a long way to go, even in places where open discussion is more common.
Thank you for sharing your own experience, it can be a strange thing, both comfort and anguish, to know that others suffer too.
I hope you find the Spoon Theory interesting. Personally, I find it so useful to explain my own symptoms to others, it is so simple and easy to follow, after all.
Thank you so much for that offering! I really appreciate that and that you read this piece and took the time to comment, too; that does truly make me happy.
Thank you. I read and thought about every word. My husband and I are both native to sunnier southern climates, and suffer greatly with depression in the dark winters where we now live. We’ve reluctantly concluded that this geography is simply unhealthy for us, no matter how much we may love it. So, we are trying to spend a few months each year in a sunny spot. It makes life a bit more chaotic, but there’s adventure there, too. Anyway, thanks for sharing so honestly — I agree that the more we talk about this, the better. At the very least, we can give each other the grace of knowing that others suffer in these ways. And sending good wishes for a nice buoyant frame of mind for you, for as long as possible! 🩵
I think what you say about the adventure being there is a crucial point. I like to think similar, that I'm perhaps more suited to life as a migrant bird than one who stays put all winter. It doesn't mean I don't love the northern reaches of the world, I really do, just that I'd rather spend winters exploring somewhere more sunny!
I've spoken to a number of others like yourself and your husband, who grew up in sunnier southern places and have found the northern latitudes difficult in winter. I think to acknowledge this and take steps to address it is key, rather than simply attempting to push through, to the detriment of health. I also think that the changing climate plays a role in this to some extent. Here, winters are meant to be more snowy, with the added benefit of all that reflected light but, lately, the snow has mostly been reduced to rain and dark clouds. I try to take some comfort from the fact the water table is rising, following long periods of drought, but it can be tough, nevertheless!
Many thanks for your words and your good wishes, I really appreciate them, and you.
Thank you. I honestly think talking about these things is crucial to removing some of their power over us. And so many people today need to hear they are not alone. Things seem to be moving in the right direction, slowly, however.
Totally agree. It’s a powerful thing to banish the Emperor’s new clothes of “normality” from parading about as a pretend goal for everyone. Let’s all stop Facebooking our lives with bullshit. We’re all beautifully unique and we all live with unique emotional and mental architecture. Dealing with that in this highly stressful world is only made more manageable by being open and honest. I totally mean it when I say it’s inspirational. Nice one Alexander 🙏🏼
I like that, thinking of normality as the Emperor's new clothes! It is an odd thing how, growing up, I was taught by society what 'normal' looked like, and not to veer from that path. Now, I see hope in the younger generations, who are that much more aware of precisely how different we all are, and celebrate that fact.
Thanks again Jonathan, knowing you are here, reading (and writing) is a true comfort.
A truly moving read. The openness of speaking about your mental health and wellbeing is exactly what the world needs more of, to foster understanding and remove stigma. Thank you for your writing.
Thanks. I do believe that things are moving in the right direction but, at times, it can seem a slow process. More people are aware now, and most of us know someone with a mental health related diagnosis of one kind or another. When I think back to what it was like when I was a child, back in the 80s, things do seem very different today. Which is good! Thanks again for this, and for all you share yourself, I really appreciate that.
As you can imagine, due my work, mental health issues are a daily bombardment of highs and lows, of smiles and tears for both me and the students, I applaud your openness here Alex, to be diagnosed with anything life changing (no matter how it may take effect) is hard enough to accept but to write about it with such honesty cannot be easy. And you’ve managed that without filling the page with self pity - Bravo! Really…
I often ask my students to talk about their problems (ADHD, Autism, all the DIS’s and various physical difficulties too) but they are either too young to articulate feelings or unable to. I have tried writing exercises but this too seems to perturb.
I can imagine you have a lot of experience in this field, something which cannot be easy, at all. I do think that younger people on the whole are better at this than those of us raised in earlier decades, but I also suspect much of that kicks in when they are a little older. Sowing those seeds when they are young, however, letting them know they are not alone and talking about such issues is normal and healthy--that is a great thing. Perhaps, one day, such discussion will bloom into a stronger form of self-awareness, one which gives them strength (and you might never know that is the case).
Self-pity is one of those things I find frustrating and, ironically, when I am in a low I simply have no energy/spoons to engage in such! When I'm leaving that rut and when I am at the opposite point of a cycle, I have so much more energy and joy that there's no need to self-pity. Which is strange, really! It is also a reason I left behind Facebook and most other social media, too many people I knew engaged in shallow, performative self-pity, seeking likes and brief comments along the way. I don't think that's an especially healthy location for those of us who have perhaps deeper mental health diagnoses.
Thank you for your comment, I really appreciate your words, and you!
That is one of the reasons l left Facebook and to a degree Instagram too, I can’t abide all that wallowing in ‘self’ in general…
I count myself very fortunate to have never suffered with any form of depression, I simply cannot imagine the feeling of that depth of either physical or emotional lethargy - the way you deal with it is brave as well as amazing. It’s a delight and an honour to have met you here too.
I really don't think Facebook can be healthy for anyone and, these days, Instagram seems to be a parade of nothing but short videos, adverts, and people I don't know. Let's never mention twitter, either!
Thank you, I never feel brave, nor amazing! Just to get through a day, when I'm at my lowest, is something beyond a struggle, something I'd never wish on anyone, so I'm very glad to hear you've never experienced it. I am also glad that it appears this low seems to be lifting, at least enough to talk about it with the wider world, which must be a good thing.
And it is certainly a delight and honour to have met you here, too, and I never take that for granted.
I am so glad to hear you’re moving forward again… keep talking Alex, I am certain talking about our problems helps dissipate the reality of it, even if only by a small margin!
Perhaps you should look at some of the amazing things you’ve achieved in your life compared to so many (the majority) of others… tell yourself you’re amazing and brave for those experiences once a day because it really is the truth!
Have a good day my friend… I don’t know how your weather has been recently but here it is grim, apparently we are trapped under a ‘cold drop’ and if anything is capable of depressing me (mildly admittedly there are far worse things going on I know) it’s continuous grey… I send you a big friendly rather damp hug !
I find it difficult to stay in the now, to think about achievements when I know I need to be doing more. Especially at the moment, but I'm hopeful that will get better as I recover too. The sense of waking up from a deep and troubled slumber is very real at the moment, and I still feel a bit groggy but also can sense there will be sunshine ahead. If that makes sense?!
There is also literal sunshine here too, with the weather moving between downpours (and thunder) to hot sun and back again. I think there will be a huge storm later, the forecast suggests this, but my head does also, feeling a bit clamped and tight!
The continuous grey you mention is something which deeply affects me, too. This winter felt like that, and I'm glad we're seeing a bit more sun (if not as much as a couple of years ago, but more than last year).
Heading to Thailand for three weeks soon, where it is rainy season, which will be interesting! Usually, the mornings are hot and sunny, then the clouds build and come crashing and lashing down in the late afternoon. It's quite wonderful to see. Then back here for a week, before catching the train to Inverness, all the way from Grenoble, for a couple more weeks. I have fear for the tomatoes, cucumbers, chillies, and other plants, but they'll be in either self-watering containers or on a complex timed irrigation system I hope to get set up... Running out of time, though!
Thanks for the damp hug! I am sending some of our sunshine your way and hope the cold drop dissipates soon.
The sun is currently literally shining on me at this moment, after a few days of rain and storms, and it is oh so very welcome, with the birds singing in the woods and the bees passing along from flower to flower, humming in their secret happy language.
I appreciate your candor and vulnerability in talking about mental health, which should never be stigmatized. I work with young adults and it’s refreshing that they are much more open about it and insistent on work-life balance. While I still have many bad habits from coming of age in the 80s, when we just had to suck it up. Living open-hearted has its dangers but the rewards far outweigh. Love your coinage, “outnature;” it reminds me of David Abram writing that by leaving his house, he is really going IN - into the wild, into the sunshine, the fresh breeze, the snow or rain.
Having a moment to read a little about David Abram this lunchtime, I was rather delighted to see he and others co-founded Alliance for Wild Ethics (AWE), which made me smile rather a lot. Acronyms which fit like this (and my own AWE offering) make me happy.
I agree with this, wholeheartedly, and the fact the younger generation is so much more aware of that important balance, and keeping a weather eye on their own mental health, fills me with hope and confidence that we're moving in the right direction.
Do you know, I've not read any of David Abram, so thank you so much for that tip, I love finding new-to-me writers and thinkers, every time I hear a new name, or a title of a book, I get a special sort of excitement.
Many thanks for this comment (and the others, too!).
I love 'outnature', Alex. Really resonate with the tendency to get stuck there and hibernate at the points when the raw world is what is most needed. I also deeply appreciate your exploration of why you are sharing this with a large readership - that boundary between vulnerable/authentic and performative can be such a hard one to walk, but we know it when we read it -- the heart knows it and your clarity and care shine through.
Ah, thank you so much for this. That tendency to hibernate is difficult to escape at times, isn't it? Up until I hit send on this piece, I didn't realise how nervous I was sharing it. I knew it was important to do so, but it was only after the fact that I realised just how open I was being. The performative issue is one of the reasons I left Facebook behind: it was not helping my own mental health, and it seemed far too shallow to do anyone any good. Many thanks for your words, they mean a lot to me.
Thank you for writing about Seasonal Affective Disorder. I live in Texas, but I was born and raised in Canada, and SAD was quite prevalent there. I am a therapist, and when I pick up on the tell-tale symptoms of SAD in my Texas clients, they usually respond to treatment very well. Fortunately, our winter days don't have as many hours of darkness here in the South. I could certainly relate to what you said about going to school in the dark and returning home in the dark. In the summers, it would still be light out until almost midnight. I hope your article is helpful to others who might struggle with this very real and insidious disorder.
Thank you so much for commenting and sharing this, I really appreciate it. SAD really is insidious, that word is truly fitting. For next winter, I have my survival strategies already crafted. I'm determined to try my level best to avoid dropping down low once more. I'm visiting my family in the north of Scotland in a few weeks, and there will be little night there at that time of the year, something which is special but always a nagging reminder that the opposite is true, and the darkness awaits ahead. Fortunately, I'll be in the south-east of France this winter, although those mountains do obscure direct sunlight for much of the day, at least the sky is brighter!
It takes a lot of courage to bare your soul by writing such a post, and even more to hit the send button. We all ride the peaks and troughs of life, just some experience them so much more deeply than others. I've had some minor depressive episodes linked to illness so have had the faintest of glimmers of what you must experience. Much admiration for putting it out there.
Thanks Lynn, that means a lot. I wasn't worried about the writing of this piece, when I was writing it, but after I hit send then I got worried! Thankfully, the response here was fantastic, which is great.
I think talking about these things, sharing them, as you do here, too, is so important. It removes or makes it easier to deal with the stigma, and shows just how common depressive episodes actually are.
Ah, that’s rubbish about your own slump, not surprising the state of the world has such an effect, either. Somehow, it’s now 434 days since I last headed to the news sites for a good scroll (I keep a habit tracker, I’m not that good at remembering days!!), and I know that’s helped me a lot—I dread to think how bad things could have been if I’d still been following the news as closely and emphatically as I used to.
Thanks! Sorry I've been so rubbish at being in touch of late (see this post!). I'm beginning to feel a bit more human in the last few weeks, which is a wonderful feeling. Hope all is well with you?
Many thanks for this comment, I really appreciate you taking the time to share.
It is the first time I've shared something as focussed on mental health here on Substack. I have talked about my diagnosis in other places over the years, most notably a few years after I was first diagnosed with anxiety and depression, but those pieces of work are no longer on the internet.
I think sharing here makes a lot of sense, Substack certainly feels friendlier than many other locations on the internet, and I know so many of us have our own mental health issues. Talking about them, as you say, is crucial to helping others. (And, yes! Many of my friends have their own diagnoses, often not until they are well into adulthood. It is surprising how many, at times, and a reminder that sharing helps us all remove that stigma which can cling to mental health even today.)
Oh Alex, I applaud you for this! Being vulnerable isn't easy yet so important. And what you just shared I'm sure will continue to be a massive light to so many others.
I feel super honoured that my post inspired you. Really glad it did! Thanks truly for the mention. ❤️
I relate to the seasonal disorder. I'm originally from the tropics and I never knew such a thing existed until I moved to Europe. Spain's weather is utterly friendly compared to what I've felt in my body when I've lived in England or Scotland. Last autumn up here near Glasgow became quickly a struggle as soon as November hit. It only takes a week for the darkness outside to affect me deeply. I never knew such an intense thing could happen to the body with the lack of light. In Costa Rica the time and sunlight schedules never change throughout the year, so I was foreign to it all. But then UK taught me about it. It's absolutely freezing and almost impossible to shake that cloud off the top of your head when the weather gets dark and cold outside for so long. One thing that helped me was vitamins, mainly vitamin D and magnesium supplements. They wouldn't take my blues out but at least they'd keep my emotions more at bay through the months. I've never understood how people can manage to live in these latitudes with the darkness, it still riddles me.
Thanks for this post, it's truly needed to keep opening up for mental health. I hope we all can continue to be tiny lighthouses everywhere. The more the merrier! 🎉
Thank you! I didn't realise until I sent this piece just how worried I was about sharing it. It was only after sending that I felt nervous about the response, but I certainly needn't have worried!
Isn't it incredible, how much of an impact the sunlight, or lack of it, can play on us? When I lived in Thailand, I missed long summer evenings, but I was also very glad of knowing there would be sun every day (or nearly every day, except for stormy times!). Even when we lived in Portugal, the sunlight hours were far more friendly than in Scotland. Here, in the French Alpes, there is usually more sun, but last winter was very cloudy, so I rarely saw it at all (and it hides lower, behind the mountains, too).
I used to take multivitamins every winter, but then I stopped, for some reason I can't remember. I think this coming autumn I'll pop a note in my calendar to ensure I add vitamin D and magnesium, that makes a lot of sense. I remember reading a paper about reindeer herding communities in Siberia, how they would get through the darkness of winter by using Amanita muscaria, and how this is still relatively common in Russia. I suspect our ancestors, those who lived in dark places at least, developed a healthy understanding of the natural materials they could use to help them through those days.
That tendency I have, to hide away and want to hibernate, doesn't help either! I need to make myself get outdoors (or leave the outnature!), more.
Thanks again for your words, and for your original post, I really appreciate them, and I'm very glad there are people here on Substack who talk about mental health, it really is so important--tiny lighthouses, as you so rightly say.
Thank you, Alexander, for your candid exploration of your experience. I, too, went through a “functional depression” after the 3.11 quake and nuclear disaster here in Japan and one other time due to work load at the university. I understand the “not having enough energy” to even move, much less get up and be happy (or feel much of anything).
Here in Japan, there are so many problems with mental health issues among the general population and young people in particular. It is not spoken about openly. We’re just now coming to a point where people seek counseling but don’t tell anyone. Most of the time, when it’s serious, the psychiatrists prescribe pills but not counseling. In my opinion, these should go together so that the person can find their own solutions out of the hole.
Thank you for the link to the “Spoon Theory” essay. I look forward to reading it.
Take good care of yourself!
Thank you. It is such a complex, personal issue, depression, and I agree that medication alone rarely seems to be enough. I know that talking about it helps, even if it can be difficult at the time. When I grew up, it was similar to the current state of affairs in Japan, mental health issues were never really spoken of aloud, swept away under the rug. Yet they were also in full view, everywhere, especially in the old men who had come home from the first World War and had lived a life broken by that experience.
I am hopeful we are slowly moving towards a point where discussing mental health is less of a taboo than it once was, but there is still a long way to go, even in places where open discussion is more common.
Thank you for sharing your own experience, it can be a strange thing, both comfort and anguish, to know that others suffer too.
I hope you find the Spoon Theory interesting. Personally, I find it so useful to explain my own symptoms to others, it is so simple and easy to follow, after all.
Thanks again, I really appreciate your comment.
My humble spoon as an offering to you, Alexander. Thank you for sharing this with us. 🙏
Thank you so much for that offering! I really appreciate that and that you read this piece and took the time to comment, too; that does truly make me happy.
Thank you. I read and thought about every word. My husband and I are both native to sunnier southern climates, and suffer greatly with depression in the dark winters where we now live. We’ve reluctantly concluded that this geography is simply unhealthy for us, no matter how much we may love it. So, we are trying to spend a few months each year in a sunny spot. It makes life a bit more chaotic, but there’s adventure there, too. Anyway, thanks for sharing so honestly — I agree that the more we talk about this, the better. At the very least, we can give each other the grace of knowing that others suffer in these ways. And sending good wishes for a nice buoyant frame of mind for you, for as long as possible! 🩵
I think what you say about the adventure being there is a crucial point. I like to think similar, that I'm perhaps more suited to life as a migrant bird than one who stays put all winter. It doesn't mean I don't love the northern reaches of the world, I really do, just that I'd rather spend winters exploring somewhere more sunny!
I've spoken to a number of others like yourself and your husband, who grew up in sunnier southern places and have found the northern latitudes difficult in winter. I think to acknowledge this and take steps to address it is key, rather than simply attempting to push through, to the detriment of health. I also think that the changing climate plays a role in this to some extent. Here, winters are meant to be more snowy, with the added benefit of all that reflected light but, lately, the snow has mostly been reduced to rain and dark clouds. I try to take some comfort from the fact the water table is rising, following long periods of drought, but it can be tough, nevertheless!
Many thanks for your words and your good wishes, I really appreciate them, and you.
You’re an inspiration Alexander!
Thank you. I honestly think talking about these things is crucial to removing some of their power over us. And so many people today need to hear they are not alone. Things seem to be moving in the right direction, slowly, however.
Totally agree. It’s a powerful thing to banish the Emperor’s new clothes of “normality” from parading about as a pretend goal for everyone. Let’s all stop Facebooking our lives with bullshit. We’re all beautifully unique and we all live with unique emotional and mental architecture. Dealing with that in this highly stressful world is only made more manageable by being open and honest. I totally mean it when I say it’s inspirational. Nice one Alexander 🙏🏼
I like that, thinking of normality as the Emperor's new clothes! It is an odd thing how, growing up, I was taught by society what 'normal' looked like, and not to veer from that path. Now, I see hope in the younger generations, who are that much more aware of precisely how different we all are, and celebrate that fact.
Thanks again Jonathan, knowing you are here, reading (and writing) is a true comfort.
❤️🙏🏼
A truly moving read. The openness of speaking about your mental health and wellbeing is exactly what the world needs more of, to foster understanding and remove stigma. Thank you for your writing.
Thanks. I do believe that things are moving in the right direction but, at times, it can seem a slow process. More people are aware now, and most of us know someone with a mental health related diagnosis of one kind or another. When I think back to what it was like when I was a child, back in the 80s, things do seem very different today. Which is good! Thanks again for this, and for all you share yourself, I really appreciate that.
As you can imagine, due my work, mental health issues are a daily bombardment of highs and lows, of smiles and tears for both me and the students, I applaud your openness here Alex, to be diagnosed with anything life changing (no matter how it may take effect) is hard enough to accept but to write about it with such honesty cannot be easy. And you’ve managed that without filling the page with self pity - Bravo! Really…
I often ask my students to talk about their problems (ADHD, Autism, all the DIS’s and various physical difficulties too) but they are either too young to articulate feelings or unable to. I have tried writing exercises but this too seems to perturb.
Thank you for your heartfelt words…
I can imagine you have a lot of experience in this field, something which cannot be easy, at all. I do think that younger people on the whole are better at this than those of us raised in earlier decades, but I also suspect much of that kicks in when they are a little older. Sowing those seeds when they are young, however, letting them know they are not alone and talking about such issues is normal and healthy--that is a great thing. Perhaps, one day, such discussion will bloom into a stronger form of self-awareness, one which gives them strength (and you might never know that is the case).
Self-pity is one of those things I find frustrating and, ironically, when I am in a low I simply have no energy/spoons to engage in such! When I'm leaving that rut and when I am at the opposite point of a cycle, I have so much more energy and joy that there's no need to self-pity. Which is strange, really! It is also a reason I left behind Facebook and most other social media, too many people I knew engaged in shallow, performative self-pity, seeking likes and brief comments along the way. I don't think that's an especially healthy location for those of us who have perhaps deeper mental health diagnoses.
Thank you for your comment, I really appreciate your words, and you!
That is one of the reasons l left Facebook and to a degree Instagram too, I can’t abide all that wallowing in ‘self’ in general…
I count myself very fortunate to have never suffered with any form of depression, I simply cannot imagine the feeling of that depth of either physical or emotional lethargy - the way you deal with it is brave as well as amazing. It’s a delight and an honour to have met you here too.
I really don't think Facebook can be healthy for anyone and, these days, Instagram seems to be a parade of nothing but short videos, adverts, and people I don't know. Let's never mention twitter, either!
Thank you, I never feel brave, nor amazing! Just to get through a day, when I'm at my lowest, is something beyond a struggle, something I'd never wish on anyone, so I'm very glad to hear you've never experienced it. I am also glad that it appears this low seems to be lifting, at least enough to talk about it with the wider world, which must be a good thing.
And it is certainly a delight and honour to have met you here, too, and I never take that for granted.
I am so glad to hear you’re moving forward again… keep talking Alex, I am certain talking about our problems helps dissipate the reality of it, even if only by a small margin!
Perhaps you should look at some of the amazing things you’ve achieved in your life compared to so many (the majority) of others… tell yourself you’re amazing and brave for those experiences once a day because it really is the truth!
Have a good day my friend… I don’t know how your weather has been recently but here it is grim, apparently we are trapped under a ‘cold drop’ and if anything is capable of depressing me (mildly admittedly there are far worse things going on I know) it’s continuous grey… I send you a big friendly rather damp hug !
Thank you.
I find it difficult to stay in the now, to think about achievements when I know I need to be doing more. Especially at the moment, but I'm hopeful that will get better as I recover too. The sense of waking up from a deep and troubled slumber is very real at the moment, and I still feel a bit groggy but also can sense there will be sunshine ahead. If that makes sense?!
There is also literal sunshine here too, with the weather moving between downpours (and thunder) to hot sun and back again. I think there will be a huge storm later, the forecast suggests this, but my head does also, feeling a bit clamped and tight!
The continuous grey you mention is something which deeply affects me, too. This winter felt like that, and I'm glad we're seeing a bit more sun (if not as much as a couple of years ago, but more than last year).
Heading to Thailand for three weeks soon, where it is rainy season, which will be interesting! Usually, the mornings are hot and sunny, then the clouds build and come crashing and lashing down in the late afternoon. It's quite wonderful to see. Then back here for a week, before catching the train to Inverness, all the way from Grenoble, for a couple more weeks. I have fear for the tomatoes, cucumbers, chillies, and other plants, but they'll be in either self-watering containers or on a complex timed irrigation system I hope to get set up... Running out of time, though!
Thanks for the damp hug! I am sending some of our sunshine your way and hope the cold drop dissipates soon.
Thank you Alexander. Inspiring and educational from first hand experience. May the sun shine upon you.
Thanks Annie!
The sun is currently literally shining on me at this moment, after a few days of rain and storms, and it is oh so very welcome, with the birds singing in the woods and the bees passing along from flower to flower, humming in their secret happy language.
Thanks again.
I appreciate your candor and vulnerability in talking about mental health, which should never be stigmatized. I work with young adults and it’s refreshing that they are much more open about it and insistent on work-life balance. While I still have many bad habits from coming of age in the 80s, when we just had to suck it up. Living open-hearted has its dangers but the rewards far outweigh. Love your coinage, “outnature;” it reminds me of David Abram writing that by leaving his house, he is really going IN - into the wild, into the sunshine, the fresh breeze, the snow or rain.
Having a moment to read a little about David Abram this lunchtime, I was rather delighted to see he and others co-founded Alliance for Wild Ethics (AWE), which made me smile rather a lot. Acronyms which fit like this (and my own AWE offering) make me happy.
Oh that’s delightful! He has essays on both Orion and Emergence websites. His books are marvelous, too.
I shall track them down, thank you!
I agree with this, wholeheartedly, and the fact the younger generation is so much more aware of that important balance, and keeping a weather eye on their own mental health, fills me with hope and confidence that we're moving in the right direction.
Do you know, I've not read any of David Abram, so thank you so much for that tip, I love finding new-to-me writers and thinkers, every time I hear a new name, or a title of a book, I get a special sort of excitement.
Many thanks for this comment (and the others, too!).
I love 'outnature', Alex. Really resonate with the tendency to get stuck there and hibernate at the points when the raw world is what is most needed. I also deeply appreciate your exploration of why you are sharing this with a large readership - that boundary between vulnerable/authentic and performative can be such a hard one to walk, but we know it when we read it -- the heart knows it and your clarity and care shine through.
Ah, thank you so much for this. That tendency to hibernate is difficult to escape at times, isn't it? Up until I hit send on this piece, I didn't realise how nervous I was sharing it. I knew it was important to do so, but it was only after the fact that I realised just how open I was being. The performative issue is one of the reasons I left Facebook behind: it was not helping my own mental health, and it seemed far too shallow to do anyone any good. Many thanks for your words, they mean a lot to me.
Thank you Alexander -- and totally agree about things like FB - I left social media years ago and it definitely helps a lot :)
Thank you for writing about Seasonal Affective Disorder. I live in Texas, but I was born and raised in Canada, and SAD was quite prevalent there. I am a therapist, and when I pick up on the tell-tale symptoms of SAD in my Texas clients, they usually respond to treatment very well. Fortunately, our winter days don't have as many hours of darkness here in the South. I could certainly relate to what you said about going to school in the dark and returning home in the dark. In the summers, it would still be light out until almost midnight. I hope your article is helpful to others who might struggle with this very real and insidious disorder.
Thank you so much for commenting and sharing this, I really appreciate it. SAD really is insidious, that word is truly fitting. For next winter, I have my survival strategies already crafted. I'm determined to try my level best to avoid dropping down low once more. I'm visiting my family in the north of Scotland in a few weeks, and there will be little night there at that time of the year, something which is special but always a nagging reminder that the opposite is true, and the darkness awaits ahead. Fortunately, I'll be in the south-east of France this winter, although those mountains do obscure direct sunlight for much of the day, at least the sky is brighter!
Thanks again.
It takes a lot of courage to bare your soul by writing such a post, and even more to hit the send button. We all ride the peaks and troughs of life, just some experience them so much more deeply than others. I've had some minor depressive episodes linked to illness so have had the faintest of glimmers of what you must experience. Much admiration for putting it out there.
Thanks Lynn, that means a lot. I wasn't worried about the writing of this piece, when I was writing it, but after I hit send then I got worried! Thankfully, the response here was fantastic, which is great.
I think talking about these things, sharing them, as you do here, too, is so important. It removes or makes it easier to deal with the stigma, and shows just how common depressive episodes actually are.
Thanks again.
Never any need to apologise. I was in a slump myself, mainly due to the state of the world. But, like you it myself out now. ✊🏽
Ah, that’s rubbish about your own slump, not surprising the state of the world has such an effect, either. Somehow, it’s now 434 days since I last headed to the news sites for a good scroll (I keep a habit tracker, I’m not that good at remembering days!!), and I know that’s helped me a lot—I dread to think how bad things could have been if I’d still been following the news as closely and emphatically as I used to.
Thanks. I agree, the news is depressing af!
I can guess just how horrible it is. :(
❤️🔥
Thanks! Sorry I've been so rubbish at being in touch of late (see this post!). I'm beginning to feel a bit more human in the last few weeks, which is a wonderful feeling. Hope all is well with you?
Many thanks for this comment, I really appreciate you taking the time to share.
It is the first time I've shared something as focussed on mental health here on Substack. I have talked about my diagnosis in other places over the years, most notably a few years after I was first diagnosed with anxiety and depression, but those pieces of work are no longer on the internet.
I think sharing here makes a lot of sense, Substack certainly feels friendlier than many other locations on the internet, and I know so many of us have our own mental health issues. Talking about them, as you say, is crucial to helping others. (And, yes! Many of my friends have their own diagnoses, often not until they are well into adulthood. It is surprising how many, at times, and a reminder that sharing helps us all remove that stigma which can cling to mental health even today.)
Thanks again.