I really, truly enjoy that you are continuing to write about Vivika. This line: 'She killed the bandits easily, but afterwards she cried and cried. She kept shaking. I think she was experiencing something in her past. Do you have a word for that?'
In fantasy stories it's so common for a character to be killed and that is more or less that, and with Vivika's death coming so early in the tale, I was not expecting to learn anything about her... let alone start feeling *so much* empathy for her. I really appreciate this approach.
I can't exaggerate how much I love everything Bab does and says: 'Maybe treasure?' Bab asked, looking around the ruins.
It may be worth mentioning that part of why I am so in love with Bab is because the character is incongruous with the others, as well as from the tone of the story. Bab works so well for me *because* the story has such a grounded tone with such serious characters (who I also am very invested in, to be clear). I also think that the language shifts are key, here, because Bab is endearing when speaking poorly in the language he doesn't know well, but then he is relatable when he speaks clearly in his own language.
As for the narrative, and that ending... all I can say is it is *working*. The tension is at the exact right pitch, the mystery has my mind racing in the fun way fiction can spark, and I think the way the characters are reacting (taking things in stride, continuing on) feels completely appropriate and natural given who they are showing themselves to be.
This is really fast becoming my favorite fiction on Substack, and I genuinely mean that.
Many, many thanks for this, another well-thought-out and considered comment!
Reading this, what strikes me the most is how you are picking up on things I put in the story deliberately, not knowing if anyone would notice and/or care.
Take, for example, Vivika. I’m a firm believer that fantasy and science fiction, along with their near cousins of, for example, magical realism, need to be as believable as possible. Or, more precisely, they need to allow the reader to feel connected to their experience, to their own life.
The characters could be alien, or they could be giant insects or dragons—the monsters are not the thing which makes the reader feel unattached to the tale, it is a lack of traits which we all recognise and, of course, death is a constant in all our lives. By deliberately referencing the characters who die (as well as offscreen characters from the past of those portrayed too), there is an instant, extra, level of connection. We don’t forget people who die, even if we would only consider them as colleagues or co-workers. They live on in our memories—and I believe this is important to make a story believable. So, thanks!
Similarly, with Bab. His character is deliberately placed amongst the rest to act as a form of foil, to add another facet to the whole. Making each character unique and setting them apart as real individuals, not merely cookie-cutter representations of people, is essential. The language issue is something I have a big problem with in many stories—look at the Wheel of Time, three thousand years since the Breaking, yet they all still speak the same language, just with slightly different accents? I’ve met native English speakers I can barely understand, so thick is their dialect. Add in the vastness of a world and having a lingua franca makes no sense either! Language is a rich tapestry, and one which I think should add to the depth of a story.
I’m very much looking forward to seeing what you continue to think as the story continues…!
I really, truly enjoy that you are continuing to write about Vivika. This line: 'She killed the bandits easily, but afterwards she cried and cried. She kept shaking. I think she was experiencing something in her past. Do you have a word for that?'
In fantasy stories it's so common for a character to be killed and that is more or less that, and with Vivika's death coming so early in the tale, I was not expecting to learn anything about her... let alone start feeling *so much* empathy for her. I really appreciate this approach.
I can't exaggerate how much I love everything Bab does and says: 'Maybe treasure?' Bab asked, looking around the ruins.
It may be worth mentioning that part of why I am so in love with Bab is because the character is incongruous with the others, as well as from the tone of the story. Bab works so well for me *because* the story has such a grounded tone with such serious characters (who I also am very invested in, to be clear). I also think that the language shifts are key, here, because Bab is endearing when speaking poorly in the language he doesn't know well, but then he is relatable when he speaks clearly in his own language.
As for the narrative, and that ending... all I can say is it is *working*. The tension is at the exact right pitch, the mystery has my mind racing in the fun way fiction can spark, and I think the way the characters are reacting (taking things in stride, continuing on) feels completely appropriate and natural given who they are showing themselves to be.
This is really fast becoming my favorite fiction on Substack, and I genuinely mean that.
Many, many thanks for this, another well-thought-out and considered comment!
Reading this, what strikes me the most is how you are picking up on things I put in the story deliberately, not knowing if anyone would notice and/or care.
Take, for example, Vivika. I’m a firm believer that fantasy and science fiction, along with their near cousins of, for example, magical realism, need to be as believable as possible. Or, more precisely, they need to allow the reader to feel connected to their experience, to their own life.
The characters could be alien, or they could be giant insects or dragons—the monsters are not the thing which makes the reader feel unattached to the tale, it is a lack of traits which we all recognise and, of course, death is a constant in all our lives. By deliberately referencing the characters who die (as well as offscreen characters from the past of those portrayed too), there is an instant, extra, level of connection. We don’t forget people who die, even if we would only consider them as colleagues or co-workers. They live on in our memories—and I believe this is important to make a story believable. So, thanks!
Similarly, with Bab. His character is deliberately placed amongst the rest to act as a form of foil, to add another facet to the whole. Making each character unique and setting them apart as real individuals, not merely cookie-cutter representations of people, is essential. The language issue is something I have a big problem with in many stories—look at the Wheel of Time, three thousand years since the Breaking, yet they all still speak the same language, just with slightly different accents? I’ve met native English speakers I can barely understand, so thick is their dialect. Add in the vastness of a world and having a lingua franca makes no sense either! Language is a rich tapestry, and one which I think should add to the depth of a story.
I’m very much looking forward to seeing what you continue to think as the story continues…!
Thanks again.